[ongoing thread of select excerpts from old video game magazines]
[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[advert]

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

@maples "hell-sexy" lol

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

@maples which football? american or association?

@devurandom association!

@maples old video game mags were good

@maples honestly i don't know a lot about either, but i think of association football as something more elegant than that...

[sega saturn magazine 1, nov 1995]

[mean machines sega magazine 1, oct 1992]

[mean machines sega magazine 1, oct 1992]

[mean machines sega magazine 1, oct 1992]
a drawing of the GamesMaster Zone located in Comet stores

[advert]

[mean machines sega magazine 1, oct 1995]
paul!

@maples glow up

do people still say that?

[advert]
ominous tagline from nintendo here

[mega machines sega magazine 1, oct 1992]
oh hey look hidden palace zone from sonic 2, can’t wait for when i get to play that in the game!

[mega machines sega magazine 1, oct 1992]
wow can’t wait for when that happens too!

[advert]

[mega machines sega magazine 2, nov 1992]
an article on the Hamley’s Metropolis, of which not much is known outside of it housing some rare games. Sega seemed to drop their involvement with it in the early 2000s.

[mega machines sega magazine 2, nov 1992]
shoutout to all my friends named PLAYER A

[mega machines sega magazine 2, nov 1992]
sonic with a gun

[mega machines sega magazine 2, nov 1992]
oh okay

@maples
Tired: sliced bread
Wired: dusted monkey ass

[advert]
this store is for GAMERS ONLY

@maples this just reminds me how my city has a literal Gamers café

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
trip hawkins convinces you to buy a 3do by saying “ah fuck it we’re all dying anyway”

@maples Capitalising on that good old 90s nihilism.

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
i dont even have a comment for this one

@maples Ah... Some things never change.

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
a whole lineup of planned games for sega’s 32x featuring titles that never released, including alien trilogy, castlevania, and street fighter: the movie

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
skeleton

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
a news article supposedly from the future about artificial intelligence in biological lifeforms

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
a report on rumors of IBM buying apple?

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
an artist’s interpretation of the then unrevealed Virtual Boy, with a non immersive see through visor

@maples a year later, Apple would sink 429 million dollars into NeXT just to get Steve Jobs back.

@maples just shy of two years later, Apple would sink 429 million dollars into NeXT just to get Steve Jobs back.

@maples ...you know, part of me is like "wow that is WILD" but... like...

...I'm also keenly aware of just how... normal that was to me when I was a kid. like, fuck, i grew up on ZX Spectrum magazines, holy balls. so I was so used to this sort of weird shit.

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
does anybody know if the nec fx helped the popularity of semi naked girls

@maples Nah I doubt it that fad will never take off

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
part of an article on the future of horror games

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
re: the question of “do you think violence in video games causes a higher propensity of violence in players”
(JW is Jay Wilbur, GA is Gilbert Austin)

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
prototype virtua fighter screenshots

@maples 30 years later and now they're wall to wall Funko Pops

[advert] for burn:cycle

[next generation 1, jan 1995]
prototype gex night (you wouldnt get it)

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
from an opinion piece on modems in gaming

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
another article from the future, and i am fairly certain this is just the plot of gattaca

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
a selection of profile pictures from the X-BAND online service

[next generation 2, feb 1995]

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
information on the US West Interactive TV, which was planned to use 3DO hardware to allow users to watch TV and play games. it was ultimately scrapped.

[advert]
for klik ‘n’ play

tag yourself im frolicking bunnies

@maples i'm cool sounds

i can think of someone who'd be goo

@maples I'm either goo or amazing animations

with a hint of rocket launchers maybe

@maples im ?

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
vertical crt,,

[next generation 2, feb 1995]
breaking: girls play video games

@maples That was promising right until the very end

@maples i hate it when "being addictive" is a selling point ><

@maples frolicking bunnies

[advert]
for woolworths. that’s a face

@maples hate when I forget about the dinosaur eggs

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
oh no

@maples Cant believe the Steam Controller stole its design from the Turbo Touch 360

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
OH NO

@maples this is where it all began

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
look, a gamer

@maples what the fuck is this even for

@BatElite just woolworths in general (an old general store)

@maples Alright the 90's were a mistake actually :P

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
in case you needed a reminder

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
christmas artwork of “YOB”, the mascot for the magazine’s letter section

[advert]
promo comic for CeX

@maples Chris Hart would be proud

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
I uh. im not sure what this means

@maples there is no fig

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
give this game a miss (gives it an 89/100 anyway)

[mega machines sega magazine 3, dec 1992]
look everyone, its the famous caped crusader, PAUL

@maples "WHO ARE YOU!?"
"PAUUUUL"

@Nine “I AM THE DARKNESS, I AM THE NIGHT, I AM... PAUL”

@maples just once I would love for christian bale batman to do the batman gravelly voice and everything but actually be reading darkwing duck lines

@maples "it's good but redundant" feels like an OK reason to give that score? Like if the other game isn't available it tells you it's not a bad choice, y'know?

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
i think ive posted about this interview before but its never not funny

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
so uh, how much was the sega saturn again,

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
the 32x was discontinued after 2 years

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
lmao

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
now you too can make your very own bubsy

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
not even close

@maples I got a 32X when the price fell to $20 and I never owned any of the other ones, so he was right in a sense lol

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
stated by dave perry

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
this is the same guy who went unreasonably hard on the pictionary soundtrack

@maples Tim Follin is basically Frankenstein. He regrettably despises his own wonderful creation(s) for reasons amounting to little more than vanity.

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
no i have not

[next generation 3, feb 1995]

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
an advert for neo geo soundtracks

[next generation 3, feb 1995]
always good to keep in mind

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]
here’s something that never got released, clockwork knight puzzle

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]

@maples 🅱️​limey

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]
re: the race crowd

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]
oh boy,

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]
this also applies in real life

[sega saturn magazine 3, jan 1996]
how extreme

houses of parliament extreme, can you imagine

@embr

@maples I would try beef stew extreme though

@maples ...

i'm imagining fuckin' parliamentary debates and every time they call someone to take the floor they skateboard in and you got labour who are making a play of being cool and fashionable and hip but it's all shit we've seen before, the conservatives seem to be having an internal competition on who can break the most shit and blame it on the other parties, John Major makes a special appearance and has the greyest, most boring, most unpunk skateboard and doesn't even do an ollie.

[next generation 4, march 1995]
nolan bushnell’s opinion on sony and the playstation

[next generation 4, march 1995]
nolan bushnell predicting the future

[next generation 4, march 1995]
more things that never happened, due to a) nintendo going for killer instinct instead, and b) gte being dissolved 2 years later

[next generation 4, march 1995]
the idea of dollar coins being made solely because of arcade machines is very funny to me
also do any of my american friends actually have dollar coins?

@maples I think I have a couple lying around somewhere but if that's the case it's because I specifically kept them

@maples Yeah, I always have at least a few in my coin jar. MTA ticket vending machines give dollar coins as change.

I don't spend them very often because I'm afraid cashiers will think they're fake money. And because I think they're neat. They make the most childish part of my brain feel like a pirate handling gold doubloons.

@maples around like 2000 there was a big rush of these pretty golden dollar coins, but it kinda came and went. I haven’t seen one in ages

https://www.usacoinbook.com/us-coins/2000-s-sacagawea-dollar.jpg

[next generation 4, march 1995]
“(the playstation) will not be a big player” says sam tramiel, shortly before eating those words

[next generation 4, march 1995]
(the price is right losing horn plays)

[next generation 4, march 1995]
“we did not make the virtual boy head mounted because of women” is a statement

[advert]
note to self: find this magazine

[next generation 4, march 1995]
a letter regarding the then in development ports of doom and mortal kombat 2 for the 3do. mortal kombat 2’s port was never released, and the doom port is considered to be one of the worst versions

@maples But did 3DO DOOM have local multiplayer?

(does the 3do not support multiple controllers? why bring multiple consoles into one house?? )

@maples Some of the cover discs are up on Archive: https://archive.org/details/cdromtodaycds?tab=collection

@Mandrake ooh! thank you! i also managed to find some issues on retromags https://www.retromags.com/files/category/210-cd-rom-today/

@maples @Mandrake oh, bless, cbrs. What a wonderfully terrible format.

@maples @Mandrake (if you don't have a cbr reader, open them up in 7zip or something - they're literally a bunch of jpegs in a rar archive)

@Vordus @Mandrake ah ive been using a cbr reader, theres a really nice one on ipad called Panels

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
hey i found the mag from that advert! and hot dang look at this sony ad.
i know the beginning of this thread said it was a video game magazine based venture, but i might take some... tech related detours along the way >.>

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
burn cds for just $2,500! damn technology was expensive

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
what the heck is this illustration

@maples is there any captain or context at all

I feel like they're trying to evoke halos

@BatElite the context is "this is an article explaining how cds function"

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
connect your cd’s together

@maples I wonder whether the high price was supposed to be a deterrent for software piracy or a consequence of cornering a new market?

@maples Piracy noises

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
a lot of this first issue has just been explaining how cd’s work so far, but these illustrations are great

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
hypnotic induction?!?!

[cd-rom today 1, summer 1993]
more unreleased content? at least i cant find record of this series ever being released

currently going through and downloading more mags and just wanted to share this from issue 14 of A&B Computing

@maples machine intelligence debugged? then why is it still a shitshow nowadays?

[cd rom today 1, summer 1993]
fonts,,,

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
look at this cool ass dude

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
ah okay, good to know

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
news of the launch of mastertronic’s arcadia, amiga based arcade machines. fun fact: this nearly bankrupted mastertronic

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
for its first issue ACE published a completely fabricated letters page, which includes various amounts of gloating and feature teasing and also this

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
t-the turtle kingdom??

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
oh god what kind of game have i just stumbled into

@maples ...Well that's not what vampire women look like.

@Cynder no no, not vampire women, "she-vampires"

@maples Ah, that's my mistake.

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
check out these cool MIDI instruments

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
mmm yes this is a perfectly viewable screenshot. i totally understand whats happening here

@maples 🥀 okay but we legit almost bought that second one a few days years when they were still cheap

@maples 🥀 YEARS omfg im too highj dor tdis

@fendragon its okay take your time

[ace magazine 1, oct 1987]
an advert for a play by mail game

@maples hang the absolute fuck on

*this game is still running* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_a_Crime_(play-by-mail_game)

@maples Real "its one hour before deadline I don't give a sgit anymore" energy on that one

@gardevoir no fucking way omg

@maples i have the DG-10, it's a neat little thing

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
nah, don’t think it’ll catch on

@maples It would have if games looked that awesome

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
also on the front cover: scream

@maples I played It’s A Crime! for a while, three or four years before that ad. Turn based computer moderated games were a whole genre, mostly American - Tribes of Crane and Earthwood are the names I can remember but there were a bunch of others.

@maples WANT

@maples oh, those really remind me of this
https://youtu.be/_kDhpFaf4EY

(It's a video of someone (Jeni Ellsworth) combining a C64 with a bass guitar, making it a synth)

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
well do you know?

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
it is important to know who you’re sending letters to

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
this is about a joystick

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
here is a grenade joystick

@maples """ace""" magazine

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
surveying the solid 3d capabilities of home pc’s at the time

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
oh, C, totally

@maples i think i used to own b

@maples C but your hands are controlling the pedals

[ace magazine 2, nov 1987]
they also do this in real life

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
presenting EA lard
(sorry if its a bit low quality, hard to get both pages together on my mobile)

@maples the heck is this even advertising

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
more entertaining lies about the doom 3do port

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
ahem,

@maples I've legit done C as a bit and found it was automatically l surprisingly usable. Easier on an old megadrive pad tho

@maples the answer of course is "my nightmares"

@maples Mr Weems is very very tired and just wants to retire from being the mob's accountant but vampire women with bat wing arms keep taunting him about how he could never be a true gangster.

@maples also hold on a second that frog has vampire teeth... Someone vamped a frog... Was .. was one of the vampire girls seeing if it was a hallucinogen excreting frog??

@maples his glasses are a monitor screen display, everyone's arguments are invalid

@maples I couldn't even *walk* when this issue of Dragon Magazine came out [cw: misogyny, mention of pregnancy and sexual assault in second image]

https://unwinnable.com/2015/04/28/dragon-magazine-issue-41/

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
trip hawkins describes cyberspace

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
if the 3do has recieved a karaoke (kaoroke??) unit in the west, it could have been saved....

@BatElite @maples Road Rash, Need for Speed and Fifa International Soccer. But I guess EA in general.

@BatElite @maples The bit that's getting me is that this is #2 in a series.

But this is issue 1 of the 3DO magazine, so where did the first one end up?

@Vordus @BatElite i presume these adverts were in magazines that were also not 3do magazine beforehand

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
here’s another game that never released, cyber clash

@maples @BatElite #1 was a dead fish, #3 were french fancies.
https://www.wcnews.com/news/2019/08/31/battle-of-the-bizarre-wc3-port-advertisements

@maples https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4zMLFnY8QE

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
a scathing review of night trap

[3do magazine 1, dec 1994]
yeah thats right fuck you NASA, you don’t know about the 3do

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
goddamn look at this piece

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
kitty uses computer to edit photos of kitty

@maples Now that's sexy

I love cd storage things :3

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
jokes on you i have no money to spend on building cars

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
this is a great image, but please. please guess what on earth this article is about. i don’t think you’ll guess it

@maples (it is a great image)

I don't intend this as a cop-out, but I feel like this would have gone with some fairly general intro article to The Internet

@BatElite it is not that

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
dragom

@maples Then it cannot be understood

before i go to bed - this article is about cd rom cache optimizers

[cd-rom today 2, fall 1993]
“multimedia: the salvation of apple?”

[next generation 5, may 1995]
3d creatures from spyfish, a vr game

[next generation 5, may 1995]
some entertaining n64 rumors, including titles such as akira, casper, ff7 and alien trilogy appearing on n64, and virtual boy compatibility

[next generation 5, may 1995]
more things that did not happen: top gun on n64

@maples also now that i think about it, spectrum holobyte is also most famous for publishing tetris for PC!

@maples wait, so they basically merged two companies, both of which got famous because of tetris?

[next generation 6, june 1995]
oh jesus christ this is what we’re staring with again are we

@anthy this doesn't surprise me

[next generation 6, june 1995]
peter molyneux on interactive fmv games

[next generation 6, june 1995]
i too only interrupt my sex with week long gaming sessions

[next generation 6, june 1995]
lmao

@maples Infinite variations! Four times more expensive than a video! Molyneux must be Very Very Clever

[next generation 6, june 1995]
peter shut the fuck up,

@maples He was close to introspection at the end there

[next generation 6, june 1995]
a list of upcoming atari jaguar cd games, many of which never released. can you imagine how different the world would be if barkley shut up and jam came out on jaguar

@maples Surprised American Hero isn't on that list

[next generation 6, june 1995]

[next generation 6, june 1995]
im sure these types of people still exist

[next generation 6, june 1995]
jesus christ this image

@maples the goalposts shift but the stubborn opposition does not

Apparently there's people who think pixel art should be such a manual process they don't like the bucket tool

@maples Virus,played that alot